


Light My Heart

by thiccking



Series: Suicide Season [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, America is not the Hero (Hetalia), Cheating, Cringe, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Feels, Fire, Human & Country Names Used, Low quality, M/M, Near Future, Out of Character, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, unexpected rapist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-03-29 02:47:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13917759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccking/pseuds/thiccking
Summary: This is a very sad (and poorly written) story about a lonely Russia.





	1. Don't Leave Me to Freeze

For as long as I can remember, I've been fond of sunflowers. I've even thought about how nice it would be to have sunflowers on my grave after I die. The only problem is the fact that my home is too cold for sunflowers most of the time. For so long, I've wanted to live in a warm place with enough sunshine for the flowers and that wish partially came true at one point in my life. There used to be a beautiful hill near my house and that hill was covered with sunflowers. Sadly, nothing on that hill has grown since the USSR was still together. Now, the hill is dead and I'm all alone again.

   The only thing I've ever wanted  almost as much as those sunflowers is a true friend. That hasn't happened yet, but I'm going to have to change that very soon... While there is time. I'm throwing myself a birthday party and I already invited everyone. I hope they can make it this year...

   The night before, I stayed up late to put up all of the decorations and start the food preparations. By the time all of the food was done, I only had two hours to finish preparing. It wasn't until then that I remembered to pick up the cake. Driving to the bakery would have only taken a few minutes, but my car in pieces since America's last visit.

Unfortunately, all of Northeastern Europe was going through a once in a century cold wave, but I was bundled up so the five kilometer trek wasn't too much of a hassle... Except for the fact that I tripped over someone's puppy. As I went to return the little nightmare to his owner, the child whimpered looked at me with slight fear in his eyes.

   "Is this your dog?" I asked.

   "Yes, sir..."

   I held the dog out for him to take it, but he just stood there so I put the dog on the sidewalk and continued my hike to the bakery. I thought I must have smelled like wet dog because everyone was avoiding me. Apparently, I was  wrong. I walked into the bakery and the clerk immediately put her hand next to the alarm.

"I am only here to pick up my order." I said softly while gazing at the display case.

   "Name?"

  "Braginsky..."

   "One moment please."

   I sighed and tapped my foot while I waited for my order. I was getting a bit impatient, so I hopped over the counter and opened the display case. I quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching before I swiped my finger across a cake and licked off the frosting. I giggled softly as though I were a child again before I close the case and climbed back over the counter. Finally, the lady brought my cake out and I paid her but something was off... She put a bag of cookies in the box with my cake. I didn't want to pay extra or steal them, so I did the only other sensible thing.

   "Excuse me," I said "but I didn't order any cookies."

   "Just take them. You look like you're having a bad day." She replied warmly.

   "What makes you think that?"

   "Not to be offensive, but you looked like you wanted to murder someone when you walked in."

   I apologized and left.

   It was only then that I realized how little attention I pay to my facial expressions, but my thoughts were interrupted by the angry yelling of a small Lithuanian teenager about how her cake had been ruined by someone's  "polish sausage fingers".

   As I was walking and eating my stale cookies, I realized that I would be late for my own party if I didn't hurry. I didn't dare run for fear of dropping the beautiful, sunflower-shaped cake. I sped up to a light jog, but the same child from before was standing around the corner. He was telling his older sister about how I scared him and "tried to steal his puppy". She was wearing a bike helmet, so her bike was bound to be somewhere nearby... I tiptoed past them and saw a brand new bike with a shiny pink basket, although the girl seemed too old to ride a bike like that. I placed a large sum of money on the ground and carefully maneuvered the cake into the basket. I couldn't get on right there, so I pushed a little further away from them before hopping on and pedaling for my life. Hopefully, I left enough money for the girl to buy a new bike... I stopped caring as I lifted myself from the seat and let my scarf flap in the wind.

   "Weee~!"

   Once I reached the door, I picked up the packages my sisters sent and headed straight for the kitchen to set out plates for everyone. I sat and waited for a few hours, but nobody showed up. I thought their flights might have been delayed, so I waited a little longer. I was hungry and tired of waited, so I ate a some piroshky and opened my sisters' gifts. Ukraine sent me a hand-knit sweater and some matryoshka. From Belarus, I got a seven liter bottle of vodka, a love note, and new scarf. I looked over at the door and noticed a small box that I must have overlooked before. It held a bottle of Canada's finest maple syrup from his special reserve.

   I left the scarf alone, but put on the holey, oversized, itchy sweater while I waited a bit longer. The Baltics didn't even bother to call while they were on vacation...

   Midnight finally came and all of the food was cold by the time I realised that no one was coming, so I did what I do every year. It's a tradition that I picked up from America; I placed the candles on top of the cake and lit them. Then, I sang to myself...

   "Happy birthday to me; happy birthday to me; happy birthday, dear Vanya; happy birthday to me!"

   I blew out the candles and spoke my wish out loud.

   "I wish someone would have shown up this year..."

   After I put away the food and took down the decorations, I took my presents and a slice of cake and headed to my library. As I sat in front of the fireplace and at my cake, I thought about how there was always next year. I could try again next year and everyone would hopefully show up next year. Then, it hit me. I did the same thing every year and always had the same outcome. No one had ever come to my parties and they never would. I let out a quiet sob at the realization as I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks. I fell onto the floor and curled into a ball. I had never felt so cold, hated, and alone. I wanted to do the unthinkable, but that was for another time, so I grabbed my vodka and drank as much as I could as quickly as possible. I knew I shouldn't have been doing that because once I get started, it's worse than nicotine. I felt a little better as I started to feel that warm, fuzzy feeling with a slight buzz. That was enough, but I kept going. I stopped caring about everything as I went numb and let the alcohol hijack my brain. After about thirty minutes, I was stumbling around and mumbling unintelligible nonsense.

   In my drunken state, I thought that it would be a good idea to go outside and try to make a ice man from the partially old, hardened snow. It wouldn't take the right shape, so I tried to stomp on it but I slipped and landed face first in the frozen mud. I stayed there and cried for a minutes over the fact that even the snow seemed to hate me. Eventually, I climbed onto the roof to take a nap. I only remember that because I was stuck in the chimney the next morning with a massive hangover. I couldn't reach my pockets to get my phone, but the Baltics were supposed to be back within two days. Since I lived in the middle of nowhere, I just had had to wait. I just hoped they got back before th blizzard hit. It was supposed to be the coldest of all time.

   When they returned, Latvia was the first I saw, but I heard the other two sneaking in through the back door.

   "Latvia!" I called down to him, "Latvia! I need you to do something for me!"

   He froze in place and looked up. "How did you..."

   "Don't worry about it!  Just find something to break the chimney!"

    After he ran inside, I called for Estonia and Lithuania, but Sealand showed up instead.

   "Hello, Russia! Why are you all the way up there?"

   "Peter, what are you doing at my house? Shouldn't you be... Somewhere else?"

   "No. I was invited."

   "Well, where is Raivis?"

   "Looking for something that he won't find."

   "If you have my pickaxe, would you mind getting the ladder and helping me escape?"

   "Only after you sign a form, confirming that you recognize me as a nation."

   How did Raivis put up with him?! "Either way, you'll have to get the ladder."

   Almost two hours later, Raivis and Peter had yet to return with the ladder and the temperature had dropped significantly because the blizzard had started less than an hour after they left. My ears, nose, and fingers had almost completely frozen and turned purple, and I was starving. I just hoped they would be back soon.

   My coat would've covered the holes in my sweater and warmed me, but it was on the ground. My vodka would've also warmed me, but it was just barely out of reach.

   As I shivered and fought the impending blackout, I tried to call out for help. Sadly, my voice was no louder than a whisper.

   "R-Raiv-visss.... Wha-at's taking s-so long?"

   All that I heard in reply was the harsh whispering of the wind from General Winter as I let the warm tears streak my face and for the first time, I was actually afraid of freezing to death.

   I waited another three hours, but nothing happened.

   "Don't leave me to freeze, don't leave me to freeze... I want to see you again so much..." I sang the song that my sisters wrote for me... And about me. 'Carrots and Sticks', they called it. "Don't leave me to freeze, Don't leave me to freeze... hug me, hug me, hold me in your embrace..." I just wished they were there so they could hold me again, just one last time.

   As I finally let my eyes slip shut, I heard the door fly open and out came Toris with Raivis following closely.

   "Mister Russia?!" Toris tried to call out to me, but I could barely hear him over the snow that was building up in my ears. "Hold on a little longer! We're coming to get you! Raivis, get the ladder while I get the pickaxe!"

   Once there, Latvia held the ladder while Lithuania came to the rescue. Immediately, Toris picked apart the brick and I crawled over the rubble once he was done. I intended to walk across the roof and climb down the ladder, but my legs had other plans. I slid all down the roof and broke the gutters on the way down. On the bright side, I didn't land on the concrete walkway. As  I tried to stand up, Toris slid down the ladder to help me and he actually managed to hold me up as I hobbled into the house. My legs couldn't carry me any further, so I flopped onto the couch, where Estonia was waiting for me with warm blankets and hot borscht.

   "I'm so sorry! All of us are, but we didn't know!" Toris tried to explain.

   "Where was Raivis?"

   "Peter thought I would be funny to lock him in the basement... By the way, we meant to call you, but your phone was in my pocket."

   Speak of the Devil... Just then, Sealand came barreling down the stairs with a form in his hands and apologizing for forgetting about me.

   "I'm very sorry about leaving you like that, but I had to print out the form so that you could sign it." He rambled on "Then, I got hungry and locked Raivis on the basement. Now, I just need you to sign this form before I go home."

   I signed the form with my shaky hands and let my head fall into Eduard's lap as he continued to feed me and deliver the bad news to Peter.

   "I hate to tell you this, but you aren't going anywhere anytime soon."

   "Why not?! I have a plane ticket and everything!"

   "Did you forget about the blizzard? It's supposed to last at least two weeks."

   I was no longer aware of anything as I let my consciousness slowly slip away.

 


	2. Soviet Scars and Sealand's Spankings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russia shows his scars and Sealand faces the threat of a spanking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I will be starting a similar story for Sealand soon. P.S. I promise, not every chapter will end will an unconscious Russia.... I swear.

More than a week had passed by since my incident on the roof before I woke up. Unfortunately, what awakened me was someone's irritating ringtone, which sound like the alarm to warn everyone of a nuclear attack. Just as I reached to throw the phone across the room, Estonia walked in and answered while I pretended to go back to sleep and eavesdrop.

"Hello? Who is there, please?"

"WHERE IS HE?!" A familiar voice yelled from the other side.

Eduard put the phone on speaker mode and held it away to avoid further hearing damage. "Finland? Is that you? Who are you trying to find?"

"Peter! He's been gone all week! Nobody knows where he is and Mister Sweden is going crazy! We looked everywhere and we still couldn't find him! I would've called him, but he's not supposed to have his phone and-"

"Calm down. He's in the other room and he's safe..."

"WHAT?!" The normally cheerful Fin had gone from concerned to infuriated in less than a second. "DOES HE HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE HE'S GOING TO BE IN WHEN HE COMES HOME?!"

"No. I don't think so."

"Would you mind giving him the phone?"

"Of course not. Sealand!" He poked his head through the door and called out to the child in question. "Sealand, someone wants to talk to you."

"Can you ask them to call back later? I'm a bit busy at the moment." As usual, Minecraft was more important to him than anything else.0

"No. I think it's too important to wait."

"Fine." The adolescent sighed and walked over as slowly as possible before taking the phone and answering. "Hello?"

"Peter!"

From the sound of that voice, Peter's face went from his normal smile to a look of complete panic. "Yes...?"

"What do you think you're doing?! Sweden leaves me to watch you for a few days and you sneak away!"

"I-I had an expansion recently and I wanted to celebrate with my friend. I was only supposed to be gone for a few hours, but a blizzard hit and I got stuck! I'm sorry!"

"You weren't supposed to leave your room in the first place! You're going to be in so much trouble when Mister Denmark and Mister Sweden come home! We're both going to be in trouble!"

"Please don't tell on me! I don't want to get another timeout! I hate timeouts!"

"You're not getting a timeout. You're a young teenager now, so you're too old for those."

"I-I'm not? What's going to happen... Wait... No! Not a spanking! I don't want a spanking!"

"I never said you were getting a spanking."

"So, I'm not...?"

"You are, but you're not getting just one. You're getting three. At the least." 

Just as soon as Finland ended the call, Peter fell onto the end of my bed with a loud sob. I couldn't believe he was crying about a little spanking. I'd rather be spanked than go through half of the things that have happened to me! I looked at him and almost kicked him off of my bed, but then I remembered that he was only a child, and children cry over things like that.

As soon as I grew tired of lying in bed with the sound of sobbing, hiccupping, and sniffling echoing throughout the room, I got up and stretched for a bit. Shortly after properly popping my joints, I grabbed Sealand's hand and lead him to the library.

I gestured for him to sit down in front of the fireplace while I retrieved my special vodka from the secret safe. After I took my seat across from Peter, I poured the vodka into two small glasses. He sniffled before reluctantly taking a sip and making a face.

"That didn't taste as good as I thought it would... I thought it would taste like water... He muttered before drinking the last of it. "Don't you think I'm a bit young to be drinking, anyway?"

"It's fine as long as you don't get drunk, but that's not why I brought you in here."

"Then why?"

"I need to talk to you about something important. You need to learn how to follow the rules."

He sighed before deliberately taking a sip from the wrong cup.

"I'm serious. Do you want to end up like China, England, or me? Or even... Prussia?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to be recognized as a nation, you're going to have to follow the rules, make your citizens happy, and have plenty of allies unless you want to live a miserable life and be covered in scars."

"How did all of you get into trouble just for not following the rules?"

"Prussia always started fights, but that wasn't the only reason he had scars; he didn't look 'normal' and he was left-handed, so a lot of people thought he was evil and they always tried to kill him. England and China always have their heads chopped off by ruthless leaders because of their disobedience."

"What about you? You didn't tell me what happened to you."

"I'm about to show you, but you can't tell anyone. Not Latvia, not England, not Sweden, not anyone."

"I won't. I promise."

I closed my eyes and held my breath as I unraveled the damp, dingy scarf that had yet to fully thaw from around my neck, revealing a large circular scar that looked like a collar.

"W-What...happened?"

"My people were upset and they blamed me for all of their problems, so one day, they got together and decided to try and choke me."

"With barbed wire?!"

I nodded and took another sip from my glass.

"C-Can I touch it?"

Another nod came with another sip and I flinched as I felt the surprisingly warm and gentle fingers of the adolescent on my neck. They were soothing until they ran across a few sore areas that would probably never be fully healed.

Just as I put my scarf back on and stood up, Sealand threw himself into my chest and sobbed before whispering, "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

"For actually caring about me."

"I'm not the only one who cares; England-"

"Yes you are! England has never cared about me and all the Nordics want to do is yell at me!"

"The Nordics just want you to be strong and prosperous some day. And England does care about you."

"No. He doesn't. Every time I'm supposed visit him, I run away after an hour and come back when it's time to leave. He's never once noticed. I was even arrested once while he was supposed to be watching me! It was his fault, but he let me sit in a jail cell for the entire weekend!"

I couldn't think of a response, so I sighed and put the vodka away. Just as I closed the safe, the power switched off and two shrieks could be heard; one from Raivis and one from Peter. 

I took Peter's arm and practically dragged him to the living room to see what was happening. Toris and Raivis were there, but Eduard was nowhere to be found.

"Lithuania. Why didn't the generator switch on when the power went out?" I questioned.

"It did." He replied "The power has been out all week and Estonia just went to check on the generator."

"Latvia, Sealand, come with me."

"Where are we going?" Sealand mumbled while putting on one of Latvia's old coats.

"To get wood for the furnace."

"Wait. Why do you need a fireplace if you have a furnace?"

"It looks nice."

After showing the boys how to properly cut and stack the wood, I headed around the back of the house to check on Estonia. The four-eyed Baltic was nowhere to be found and the generator was nothing more than a mangled mess of wires. It was too dangerous to go out and search for him, but I went anyway. 

"Estonia! ....Estonia?! Where are you?!" I continued to call for him for a few more minutes until my voice went hoarse and I felt something against my leg. I looked down to see a small bear nibbling on my pant leg. It was Canada's bear, Kumajirou.

"Hm? What are you doing all the way out here?" I asked as I lifted the familiar bear into my arms. "Where's your owner?"

"I can't remember... Who are you?"

"We've already met; I'm Russia. Now, why were you nibbling on my pants?"

"I'm hungry... You smell like food."

"No. I smell like rotten potatoes and old borscht... When was the last time you ate?"

While I was talking, the little bear had reached into my pocket and stolen my stale cookies before replying. "Um...Ten days...?"

I was going to continue my interrogation, but something large and powerful crashed into me before I even knew what was happening. While I lied there in the snow, I heard a man with a high pitch voice profusely apologizing for possibly killing someone. I recognized him instantly; it was Finland.

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry, sir! Do you need me to take you to a hospital? Are you even conscious?" He questioned nervously while trying to help me up, only to instantly let go the moment he saw my face. "Holy Martin Luther! It's you! What are you doing all the way out here?"

"I could ask you the same. Why are you here?"

"You'll see later. Hop on." He gestured toward the snow mobile. "Thank you for finding Canada's bear, by the way."

I couldn't even reply before he took off at full speed.

My house came back into view sooner than I thought it would, which means that we almost hit it. Finland only stopped because he didn't want Sealand to know that he was coming. As soon as we stepped off the vehicle and walked around to the front of the house, Sealand saw us and dropped his axe less than a millimeter from Latvia's foot. He sprinted into the house and immediately locked the door, forgetting that I had a key. Unfortunately, Tino forgot too, so he ran after the boy and kicked my door down. 

"Peter!" He shrieked after barely dodging a vase that would have otherwise hit his face. "Calm down! Let me talk to you!"

"No! You're just going to spank me!" Somehow knocking his caretaker to the floor, the rebellious teen made his way to the door, but tripped over the threshold on his way out. 

I looked down at him and, for a moment, I felt like I was at war with myself. On one hand, I wanted to get out of the way and let him run away from his inevitable punishment. On the other hand, I wanted to stop him so that he would learn something from the situation. In the end, I chose logic over empathy.

"Sealand," I said, "remember what I told you."

Peter stood up, took a shaky breath, and walked over to the Finn without saying a word.

"Thank you, Mister Russia. Would you mind giving us a few minutes to talk."

I nodded silently and headed back outside, only to be greeted by a frozen Estonia who was being dragged by Latvia. I didn't even bother asking questions; I'd had enough nonsense for one day. I didn't even bother to ask why I could hear someone flying a helicopter in the middle of a blizzard.

The sound of the helicopter was quickly coming closer as I picked up my barely conscious comrade. I tried to ask what was going on, but the sound of propellers drowned out my raspy voice. As I turned to take him inside, I finally saw the unstable helicopter and realized how close it was to the ground. Whoever was inside was obviously trying to land with no idea how to actually do it. To avoid a direct collision with my roof, I signaled frantically, telling them to land somewhere else. In the process of turning around, one of the propellers knocked a chunk of ice from the roof which hit me square in the head and rendered me unconscious yet again.


	3. Blood on the Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russia tries to control his anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm sorry for making Iceland sound like a brat.
> 
> Second, should I go ahead and start Sealand's story or should I finish this one first? Leave your answer in the comments.

Not long after being knocked unconscious, I found myself sitting in a helicopter while my face was being... licked. I opened my eyes to see Finland's little white dog with her tongue hanging from her mouth.

I was so shocked by the licking that I had managed to ignore the loud argument that was taking place right in front of me.

Finland sipped a cup of coffee as he held a slightly angry tone. "I told you to stay at the landing pad."

Unlike his counterpart, Iceland decided that yelling was the best way to get his point across. "I DID, BUT THE STORM WAS GETTING WORSE AND WE HAD TO LEAVE!"

"It was worse at Russia's house. And if you did what I asked, you wouldn't have knocked him out."

"SHUT UP! IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

"How?! What did I do?!"

"YOU WERE BORN! YOU-"

Just then, the helicopter momentarily spun out of control as Finland ripped the teenager from his seat in the cockpit. Even after 'stabilizing' the helicopter, it still wildly rocked back and forth through the sky.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you fly this thing. You can't even drive a car."

I finally realized how high we were and decided to speak. "Where are we and where are we going?"

"Oh. So you're finally awake," Tino replied quickly, "We're going back to my house. Is that okay with you?"

"Of couse. My power is out and my pipes are frozen anyway." I muttered while carefully reaching for the smaller man's coffee. I couldn't reach it with the seatbelt on, but that didn't stop me from trying. Finland eventually saw me, and handed over the cup without so much as a word. Strangely, I felt something furry against my cheek when I took a sip. I thought nothing of it until Hanatamago stuck her tongue in my mouth. I immediately gagged and spat out the coffee. I wanted to kick that dog all the way to China, but I threw the coffee straight out of the helicopter instead. "Are we almost there?" I practically whined.

"Yes. We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

While we all waited, I did nothing but stare at the Baltics, who had decided to come with us, until they became uncomfortable.

The moment we landed, I shoved a fistful of snow into my mouth to rid myself of the taste of dog tongue. As I stood at the front door of quaint little house and waited for Finland, a whirling storm of purple came flying out. The door hit my nose and sent me crashing into a bush.

As I stood up, I looked down to see that the snow was being stained red by the blood that was steadily dripping from my nose. No one noticed through the commotion, and I couldn't just wander through someone else's house, so I used my hands to catch the blood as I waddled over to Finland.

"Iceland," Norway began with a hint of calm, righteous anger, "What did you do to my helicopter?"

Iceland wouldn't answer, so Finland quickly did it for him as he led me into the house. "He hit Russia's roof and knocked one of the blades off the propeller."

The argument continued after we were inside the quiet little home, which looked much bigger on the inside. Once we reached the bathroom, Finland ordered me to sit down so that he could easily reach my face.

"Tilt your head back, and hold still," he said softly.

"I can do this myself, you know."

A small sigh came from the man in front of me as he gently cleaned away the blood. "I know. I just miss doing things like this. I used to do this for Sealand and Ladonia...and sometimes Denmark, but they won't let me do it anymore... Except for Denmark. Sweden used to do it for them too, but he's been so busy lately..."

"Um... Nice weather we're having..." I had no other solution for that incredibly awkward situation. 

"Sorry. I just haven't had anybody to talk to about all of this stress and-" He stopped mid-sentence when Erland practically kicked the door down, and in the process, hit the back of Finland's head. "Ah! Ladonia! What are you doing?"

"When is Sve coming home?"

"Six more weeks."

" Who is that guy?"

"Mister Russia." 

" Sve took my phone and I want it back, but-"

"Erland... You have three seconds to get out of this bathroom."

"But-"

"Leave!"

I decided to be silent until Erland threw a bar of soap at Tino and hit him right in the eye. Moments after Erland ran off, I heard a few quiet sobs coming from Finland. 

"Are you okay?"

He only gave a small nod as a response.

"No, you're not. Do you want to talk about it?"

I had to wait until he stopped sniffling and hiccupping so much to get a long, choked up reply. "I just can't do this alone anymore! Sweden could keep everyone satisfied and under control, but I could never do that. I'm not strong enough!" That only opened up the flood gates and made him cry twice as hard. "I haven't slept in weeks!"

Just then, I remembered that people respond positively to other people who are helpful. I also didn't feel like seeing someone so happy and caring look so miserable; it just didn't seem right. The last time I saw that look, I smiled. I was a completely different person... I was sick. I've changed in my old age; I've learned.

"I could look after the boys for you. I'm stuck here for a few days anyway." I offered.

"Would you really do that?" He asked even though the look of terror on his face was crystal clear.

"Of course! I would do anything for my friends!"

"Thank you so much. I can finally sleep." He still looked terrified, but hopeful... Almost as if he wished I would kill the children.

I watched him waddle off to his bedroom before I stood up and headed for the living room.

Since Estonia and Lithuania tiptoed away as soon as we landed, I was officially on my own, and I finally realized that Finland had a bigger job to do than I thought. He was stuck with Sealand, Ladonia, Kumajiro, Iceland, and the demon dog that had possessed a cute little snowball. To figure out how to run everything, I had to figure out why everyone was there. Iceland was there because Norway couldn't trust him to be home alone for more than a few hours; Kumajiro was there, because America ran off with him during his last trip to Canda, and it was Finland's job to find him and watch him until Canada could come to pick him up. I already knew why the other two were there, but one of them was missing. I had only been doing my job for ten seconds, and I had already lost someone.

I was about to ask where he had gone, until someone was being called a bastard while a storm of white and blue flew past me. The next thing I knew, Sealand was punching Ladonia in the face. Frightened by the sudden attack, Ladonia screamed and collapsed onto the floor while Sealand stood over him, almost yelling.

"This is what you deserve! You gave him a black eye and made him cry! What's wrong with you?!"

Before things could escalate any further, I pulled Peter away from his brother and placed both of them on the couch.

"Hello, children. I am in charge for three days while Finland rests. There won't be a lot of rules, but that doesn't mean that you can break them. Does everyone understand?" 

I received a few nods and a groan from Iceland.

"Just tell us what the rules are." The irritable teen grumbled with his eyes glued to his phones

"Lose the attitude. Rule number one; no one is to disturb Finland. Rule number two; No sass. Rule three; no deliberately breaking the rules."

"That doesn't make sense! The rules are in the wrong order!"

"It makes plenty of sense. Now, calm down. I will tell you the rest of the rules later."

"Why not tell us now? How are we supposed to follow the rules if we don't know what they are?!"

"You talk a lot for such a little boy... If I told you the rules, you would be tempted to break them. I will give you one warning for most rules; after that, you get punished. Any rules that are common sense don't count. You should know better than-" I stopped mid-sentence when I smelled something burning. Sealand was the first to sprint to the kitchen and open the oven, filling the kitchen with smoke and setting off the alarm.

Sealand was filling up a bucket of water in the sink when I walked in to take the flaming food out of the oven. Peter couldn't even get the bucket to the oven before it exploded, sending boiling water and flaming food everywhere. Iceland was right next to me before it happened, but when I turned around, he was covering Peter like a blanket. His shirt had caught fire and he hadn't moved a bit. 

While I patted out the fires on his back and head, Latvia dumped the bucket onto the area that used to be the oven. By then, a few of the cabinets had caught fire, and the water wasn't helping. The wiring in the wall was bare because of the hole, and the water made the entire system short circuit. Sparks flew, and the entire back wall of the kitchen was engulfed in flames. Ladonia came bolting in and threw a fire extinguisher at the fire, which, soon after, exploded from the heat and pressure. That put out the wall fire and a few of the cabinet fires, but it still wasn't enough. 

Peter, Raivis, and I finally extinguished the last of the flames while Iceland decided to lie in the snow to soothe his burns, and Ladonia ordered some Chinese food over the phone.

While everyone else sat down to play video games and wait for the food and the repairman, I tried to sit next to Iceland, only to have him prop his feet up in the exact spot I was about to sit in. I was done with his attitude.

"Why are you doing this?" I tried to ask calmly.

"Doing what? I'm just sitting," he replied lazily.

"I was going to sit there, and you put your feet up."

"Sit somewhere else, you big oaf."

At that point, I was annoyed enough to grit my teeth. "There aren't any other places to sit!"

"Sit on the floor with the dog. Oh, you look angry. What are going to do, kill me with your pipe?"

"I'm not that sort of person. I don't do things like that anymore."

"You're still the same creep you've always been, and you always will be."

"Kol kol...kol...kol kol kol kol..."

"What are you saying? 'cold'? I can't understand you."

"Kol..." I already had my hand in my coat, wrapped around the pipe. I could feel every vein in by body throbbing as I tried to contain my rage. After a few more insults, something snapped... Physically, not psychologically.

I couldn't breathe and my nose was spraying blood. My head throbbed as the room seemed to spin around me, and my legs shook. As I tried to hobble over to the sofa, my legs gave out and sent me crashing down. There I lay, gasping, bleeding, panicked, and blinded by my own tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry these chapters are so short and boring. I just don't have much time to write since school started.


	4. Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Russia gets hit pretty hard by the blizzard and another secret force during his first day living with Finland. It's boring

As I lay in the floor, I was still panicking and could barely breathe. I honestly thought I was dying, but I knew that it was too soon. My heart felt like it was was on the brink of exploding I was supposed to have more time. Peter stood over me, yelling at Iceland and doing what little he could do to help. Although I could hear them both talking, they couldn't be understood over my frantic breathing and trembling sobs.

After a minute or two, I started to calm down, and I finally stood back up. I wanted to blame Iceland, but I knew that it was only partially his fault. The rest of my little "episode" was probably caused by something in my country. I noticed that i had a major headache and a lot of pain in my chest, but I knew that would just have to push through it. I excused myself and headed straight for the bathroom. I had to call my boss and find out what was wrong.

As I waited for him to answer, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. My blood-stained face almost made me look like a serial killer. I thought about how unlikely it was that he would even get my call because of the blizzard, but I also hoped that he was in an area that wasn't too heavily impacted. The person who finally answered wasn't my boss. A very young man with a gruff voice answered in his place.

"Who are you? What have you done with the president?" I questioned with worry evident in my voice.

"I'm his nephew, and I did nothing to him! He was crushed on his way to the bunker!" Before I could even register why they were going to their bunker, there was a loud "boom" in the background. At first, I thought it might have been thunder, but the walls were too thick for it to have been that loud. Obviously, either someone was blowing things up, or buildings were collapsing. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I'm an ambassador... What's happening? What was that sound?"

"The entire fucking capitol and all of the surrounding areas have been destroyed! On top of that, buildings keep collapsing! There's too much ice and snow! At least they didn't hide the bunker in Moscow. I hope you're okay, wherever you are."

"Where is Russia? Is anyone looking for him?"

"No. He was probably crushed, but we already know what we're going to tell the other nations if he doesn't show up to the world meeting."

"Why didn't you just take him to the bunker with you?" The conversation was becoming more upsetting with each passing second.

"Do you have any idea how big he is? I've only seen pictures of him, and I know fully well that we don't have enough space or food down here!" He chuckled, adding insult to injury, as if he expected me to laugh with him. The president had just died, yet his nephew sat and laughed at me. I never liked the president, but I didn't wish death upon him.

"I hope you say that to his him one day. You won't live to see the next one."

"What? Why not? Is he going to sit on me?" He laughed again as I sat in silence. After a second or two, I heard a few short screams just before the roof of the bunker collapsed, burying everyone in rubble and snow. After that, both phones lost connection completely, and I slid mine back into my pocket.

I stared at the mirror reflecting on the previous conversation while I cleaned the blood from my face. I thought about calling my sisters, but they were probably fine. If anything, it would have been a disturbance; they were in Seychelles, having their little women's meeting. 

Once my face was clean, I headed back to the living room. No one was there, so I headed for the dining room. The boys must have answered the door and paid for the food while I was in the bathroom. I sat as far from Iceland as possible. I knew how stupid and petty it was, but I didn't feel like sitting near any angsty teenagers while I ate. We all ate in complete silence until Iceland asked about what happened just minutes before.

"What really happened? Did I do that, or did something happen in your country?" He was being a bit of a hypocrite, because he always hated it when anyone asked him the same question. I couldn't really blame him since he always gets a case of diarrhea and mood swings whenever one of his volcanoes erupts. It probably embarrasses him...

I thought about my answer for a minute before deciding that it couldn't hurt to tell the truth. Besides, he already knew about the blizzard, and there was no way to avoid significant damage from such a powerful one. "Both, but if you make me angry enough, I might not be able to hold it in. I might just stab you in the eye with a chopstick." I was kidding. No matter how much I was tempted to do something like that, I wouldn't do it. Obviously, Iceland thought I was serious, so he stared at my chopsticks with fear in his eyes. "I was kidding." Iceland didn't seem to believe me, but he kept eating.

The rest of dinner was silent, save for Hanatamago's constant yipping and the occasional ringing from Iceland's phone. Immediately after dinner, Erland ran outside to play in the snow with Hanatamago. It took him a while to find her bright red collar, which I wouldn't even let him open the door until without; I didn't want to be blamed for losing Finland's dog. Since Ladonia was playing outside, and Iceland was watching him, I volunteered to do the dishes. Peter probably wanted to play too, and I didn't have much else to do. I didn't notice it at first, but Finland's kitchen happened to have a dishwasher, which would have made my job so much easier if I knew how to use it. Loading it was fairly simple, but I was at a complete loss after that. After looking through a few drawers, I found an instruction manual for it. Unfortunately, it was written in Swedish. I was going to have to ask for help. I turned around to see Peter still sitting at the table. From where I was standing, I could only see his left side. He wasn't doing anything other than swinging his feet, so it couldn't hurt to ask him for help. It was a little embarrassing to ask a child for help with something so simple, but I swallowed my pride.

"Peter... How does the dishwasher work?"  
When he turned around to answer, his usual smile was missing. He sighed before hopping down from his chair, and walking over to the dishwasher. He opened the door, took a look, and sighed. "Did you read the instructions?"

"I can't read Swedish..."

"I forgot the were in Swedish... Hm... It would be easier to just do it myself." I stood by, watching Peter put a pocket of detergent in the proper compartment, turn some knobs, and press a button. It seemed so simple, yet complicated. "I'm not allowed to use the dishwasher, so don't tell anyone." 

As Peter walked away, I finally noticed how dull empty his eyes looked, compared to how bright, lively twinkly they normally were. He even appeared to have bags under his eyes. "Peter, are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just bored. Aren't you a bit bored too?"

I nodded silently as Peter slinked away and went outside with the other boys. I thought nothing of it at the time. I never would have thought that I would have to look for him, but I did. 

While the boys were outside, I managed to fall into a dreamless sleep on the floor. Two and a half hours later, I woke to the sound of coats being unzipped. Embarrassingly, my face was red and stuck to the floor with dried saliva. Instead of behaving like a normal person when I stood up to stretch, I released a low, loud, guttural groan. It scared Iceland and Ladonia, which was funny until I noticed that Sealand was missing. 

"Erland, where is your brother?" I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

He simply shrugged and looked up at Iceland, who replied with an attitude. "How should we know?"

"Because both of you were outside with him the whole time!"

"It's not my fault he ran off."

"You could at least help me look for him!"

"I'm tired right now. I'll help in the morning."

I groaned at that response and headed upstairs to make sure he didn't just go to bed early. He wasn't in his bedroom, the bathroom, Ladonia's room, or anywhere else in the house. He was probably lost outside somewhere. After digging around in the attic, I found an old, ridiculously big bulky flashlight that looked like it was from the 1980s. After turning it on, I had to shake it pretty violently just to make it work.

As the cold wind whipped across my face, I tightened my scarf to make sure it did fly off. I didn't think Peter could have gone far, but it was impossible to be sure because of all the tricks he had pulled recently. Every few seconds, I called his name, hoping for some sort of response. Frighteningly, I never got one. Eventually, I heard the muffled sound of flowing water. I stumbled upon a creek that was frozen over, but only at the top, which allowed its flow to continue. The thin sheet of ice was no more than a few millimeters thick, with gnarled roots winding though it. After a few more seconds of searching, I finally found Peter. He was curled into a ball and sleeping on rock right next to the water. He wasn't even wearing a coat. It was just draped over him like a blanket. He must have been startled when I called his name, because he shot up and fell from the rock, directly through the ice. It was deeper than I thought, and his head stayed under the water fo longer than it should have. I was about to dive in, but Peter's head popped up with a gasp, followed by coughs and sputters. I rushed over to grab his coat and pull him out. As soon as he was out, I wrapped his coat around him and lifted him into my arms as I began the nearly two kilometer walk back to Finland's house. Peter was shivering violently and sniffling the whole time. I could tell if he was crying or just wet, but I went with the first option. It was more logical because of the sniffling and hiccupping.

"Are you okay, Peter? I mean, other than almost drowning and freezing to death."

"I just want to go to sleep." 

I didn't ask any further questions as he buried his face into my scarf into my chest and continued to sob... At least until he spoke again. "I miss Papa! I just want him to come home!"

I knew that wasn't the only thing that was wrong. I had never seen him cry so hard, so it was obvious that something else must have shaken him up, but I left him alone. 

Once we were back inside, I carried Peter all the way up to his room to let him change into some dry clothes and head to bed. Everything was silent except for a distinct clinking sound from the dining room. I wandered in to see that Finland was half awake and trying to get something into his empty stomach. He was constantly nodding in and out of consciousness. His head would fall forward slowly and then whip back up.

"Finland, I think you should get back to bed."

"No, it's fine. Just let me eat," he mumbled. "Wait, I forgot to tell you where the blankets..." He drifted off again before being awakened by the sound of his fork hitting the plate. "As I was saying... You can sleep in the guest room if you want. The blankets are in the closet in... the hallw..." The Finn fell asleep once again, but he seemed to be down for the count.

Iceland was obviously sleeping in the guest room, so I was stuck with the couch. I grabbed a few blankets from the closet and wrapped myself like a burrito. One of them happened to be electric, so I switched it on and let the warmth carry me to a dream. Unfortunately my bliss was interrupted a few hours later when the front door opened. It disturbed my sleep slightly, but didn't wake me. Slowly, quietly, and carefully, someone approached the couch. Since I was facing the back of it, all that could be seen was my hair. The mysterious person made their way over to my head, pushed my hair out of the way, and planted a kiss on my cheek. That slowly woke me up. I thought I might have been at home or one of my sisters' houses, being greeted by one of Ukraine's good morning kisses. I giggled and mumbled about how i wasn't a little boy anymore. Then I heard a deep, low voice mutter, "What?" 

THAT WAS NOT MY SISTER! I WAS NOT AT HOME! THAT WAS A MAN! I woke up instantly and turned around to meet the face of bespectacled man. It was hard to see, but both of our faces were clearly red. After a few more seconds of letting my eyes adjust, I recognized the male figure. It was Sweden, who must have mistaken me for Finland.

"What are you doing?" He rumbled softly.

"I'm sleeping on the couch, obviously. Iceland took the guest room, so I didn't have much of a choice."

"There's more than one guest room."

I remained in dark silence as Sweden headed of to the master bedroom to get a fresh set of clothes. As soon as he was finished doing that, he scooped up his husband from his seat at the dining table and carried him back to their bed. I thought he would be leaving again after doing some laundry, but he didn't. He ate what was left of Finland's food and headed off to bed. It was time for me to return to slumber once again as well.

A few hours later, the I awoke once again. This time, the sun was just barely beginning to rise. It was a little past five a.m., so I had nothing better to do than watch the news. The blizzard was making headlines across the world and was predicted to last another month or so, which meant that I was stuck at Finland's until then. After a few minutes of random new in language I could barely understand, I noticed Peter's video games. Of course, he had a PlayStation 4 and Minecraft. It was better than I thought it would be, but I had to stop in the middle of building a house because I was hearing a strange creaking sound. It wasn't coming from the game, so I was a little confused. I ignored it and went back to playing until I heard a grunt, followed by a gasp. 

Oh. My. God.

I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. The sounds were obviously coming from the master bedroom, which wasn't far from the living area. The kitchen and living area had no separation, and the bedroom door was right next to the kitchen, so all the sounds were loud and clear. I had no idea that anyone in their right mind would have sex so early in the morning. For a second, there was silence, and I thought they were done. I was wrong. They started up again and got even louder. Eventually, they stopped and Sweden came out in only his boxers. He obviously didn't notice me because he continued as if he didn't just violate my ears. Since he wasn't wearing his glasses, he almost spilled the orange juice he was pouring. As he faced away from me and enjoyed his beverage, I cleared my throat loudly to notify him of my presence. He simply made a questioning noise.

"You two make more noise than Denmark when he's drunk."

Sweden immediately choked on the juice an spit it into the sink. He turned around to look at me, red-faced and embarrassed, but he failed to remember that he had a trail of hickeys running down the front of his abdomen. At that moment, Peter came downstairs to get a bowl of cereal, but stopped when he caught me glaring at his half naked father.

"If you sleep in, you won't have to hear that," he stated casually. Sweden and I both thought he was talking about sex until he added "Nobody wants to see your underwear, Papa. Put some clothes on." Sweden shooed him away before taking his orange juice back to bed with him. That only served to show how awkward a month of living there would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long and its so short. Stuff happened and I couldn't really write for a while

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse me if the characters are ooc. This is my first time writing a hetalia fic even though I've been in the fandom since the beginning. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and ignored the cringe.


End file.
